"Did you ever wonder why hemp was illegalized? Why the most valuable plant on the planet...the world's largest agricultural crop and premier industry from over a thousand years before Christ till about a hundred years ago was suddenly called marijuana, a menace to be eradicated at all costs?"

I thought "the most valuable plant on the planet" spiel sounded practiced. "Didn't it have something to do with DuPont's patent on the process for making paper from wood?"

Whizzer nodded. "Uh huh."

I followed him back to the mixing bin.

"You could say it had about everything to do with that patent," he said. "And Harry Anslinger and the Yellow Kid. Had hemp not become marijuana, the most violence-causing drug in the history of mankind, Hearst, du Pont...and some other industrialists and financiers wouldn't have made the billions they did raping forests and polluting the hell out of everything. The whole thing's an obsession of Reed's. Believe me, he loves to talk about it."

"You mean Hearst the newspaper mogul?"

"William Randolph Hearst. The Yellow Kid. What a guy. Original master at influencing American politics with yellow journalism."

"Yellow, as opposed to--"

"I'm talking tabloid sensationalism! Hook their eye, drain their brain. 'Remember the Maine!'"

I'd read of the Maine in history 101, and the rally cry, but had no idea what Whizzer was getting at. He could see it.

"The U.S. battleship blown up in Havana Harbor," he said. "How much do you know about the Spanish-American war?"

"Well...didn't it start when they blew up the Maine?"

"Yeah, officially. Our Secretary of State called it 'A splendid little war.' Remember anything else about it?" He brushed his hands together over the bin and carried his tray to his sink.

I thought about it a moment. "No...." I carried my tray over and set it in my sink. "Seems like it wasn't very famous as far as wars go."

"It isn't too famous now. But that splendid little war got us Puerto Rico, Guam, the Philippines.... Got us into the imperialism biz. Hearst was responsible for it to a large extent. Many even called it 'The Journal's war.' You see, in New York Hearst's Journal and Pulitzer's World were fighting a circulation war. Down in Cuba, Spain's tyranny had sparked another Cuban rebellion. The Spanish governor sent there to crush the thing was guilty of the vilest atrocities, the American press was thrilled to say. His name was Weyler. His policy of 'extinction' was lamented by the press--especially the Journal and World. The Journal screamed of Weyler's 'bloody debauchery,' his 'tortures and infamies' and 'carnal, animal brain.' The World focused more on imagery. Emaciated Cuban women and children, whimpering and dying, their arms pulled from their sockets and their blood browning in the sun. Cubans with their heads split to between their empty eye sockets, their cut-out tongues stuffed in the fissure down the forehead. That shit moved papers. The World gave everybody a chance to read all about Spanish soldiers taking pocketfulls of Cuban ears home as trophies. And of course the Journal would not be outdone. Its headlines shrieked 'heinous,' 'fiendish,' 'satanical.' Now, Spaniards were brutalizing Cubans. The American press just inflated the hell out of everything. Americans gobbled the sensationalism. Whipped to war frenzy, they demanded that we help Cuban rebels fight for independence. Teddy Roosevelt banged his fists, anxious to rough ride with his Rough Riders. Our new navy itched for a fight. The civil war was distant enough that we had a whole new generation of fighting men feeling cocky about war. But President McKinley wanted no trouble with Spain. He offered to help Spain and the rebels reach an agreement. Spain was receptive, removing Weyler, and promising to install a form of self-government in the colony. The situation seemed defused, then the Maine was blown up, and sunk in Havana Harbor. 'Remember the Maine!'"

"Why'd they blow it up?"

"Who?"

"The Spanish."

"They said they didn't do it. And there really was no reason for them to, she was on a friendly mission. It seemed nobody knew who blew her up. After all the investigations there's still plenty of unanswered questions.... But anyway, Spain ordered an end to fighting in Cuba and offered to submit the Maine question to arbitration. We demanded a free and independent Cuba while 'Remember the Maine' echoed in the States. The press had war frenzy so whipped up we soon declared war and kicked Spain's butt for four months. We got Cuba set free, and got into the imperialism biz.... Hearst got the war he wanted so much. He was down there skirting the action while the Journal's circulation soared. And when it was over his press boat led a naval procession up the Hudson River from the Statue of Liberty to Grant's Tomb, swathed in Journal banners. How many screaming flag wavers watching that farce do you figure knew Hearst was probably responsible for blowing up the Maine?"