"We got our problems," said Gordy, one of the two Canadian sluggers.

"Sure you do. But the important difference is you're not so anxious to spread 'em around. Any o' you guys ever heard of anencephaly?"

Things got pretty quiet. The Professor was really charming the crowd. I'd seen Candy saunter down the steps. After deciding to fill her cup with porter instead of Bud, she'd made her way to Wendy and Claudia and Beth, who were watching the Professor. Finally Beth said, "No brain."

"Smart girl," said the Professor, spreading a chuckle through the crowd. "It means being born without a brain. You see, environmental regulations in this country are sending companies slithering south...at least companies' nastiest operations. They're squattin' in Mexico--especially around Matamoros, just across the Rio Grande from Brownsville, Texas. Down there they can exploit cheap labor, and pollute their asses off. Well, they've been doin' that for a while now, and suddenly in Matamoros and Brownsville they're having all these babies born without brains. Pollution is making the incidence down there thousands of times greater than normal. The Rio Grande is a sewer and toxic cauldron. But that's not the point. The point is a lot of these babies have only a brain stem but they can survive--sometimes for years and years.... Yeah, way way back, millions of years before they invented Canadian bacon or 4x4s, our ancestors had nothing more than a brain stem. The reptile brain. Over the years, cerebral cortex grew on top of the stem 'cause they started puttin' together lots of abstract thoughts, and figuring out how to make life less of a bugger...how to get a little comfort. They worked hell outa those brains and like a muscle the brains kept growing and growing.... And that's why now we all lug around these big bone casings we call skulls--to protect all that brain mass we inherited. Well down at the heart of all that gray matter lies the ol' brain stem--all anyone really needs to survive. With it you can still eat, drink, sleep, reproduce, and fight...which brings us to my theory.... The human brain has stopped evolving. The human brain is currently devolving back toward stemhood, and fast. Proliferation of consumerism, of welfare and videos, fast-food, smart bombs, random violence and coolness, just to name a few--they're causing the bulk of humanity to slough it's brains. Who needs all that gray matter? Around here we call those obviously running on brain stem, like all those at the party across the street...where all the smoke comes from. Hear 'em...?" Smoke had cleared over there. Whooping and hollering seemed up a notch with Patch and Pelt gone. It was kind of an audio jungle-animal backdrop to our brain-chemistry festival, which was growing more cerebral despite growing more altered. "We call them stemmers. Basically, they're lizards in sheep's clothing. Now, at a level above that, people show some intelligence but are still dumb as a retread and highly vulnerable to prime-time television.... They've got a cap of gray matter functioning above their stems. We call them cappers." That got people looking around. Had the Professor worked his way up to the level of many listeners? Self-consciousness spread like a bad smell. Everyone there wore a softball cap except me and him and Candy, Claudia, and Wendy. Lot's of them adjusted their caps, reflexively.

"You call yourself a professor," said Rusty, slugger for Cro's team. "Professor o' what?"

"Social Science...of course." He gave me a sly look. "Hey Señor, you're looking kinda sluggish. " He winked, and gestured toward the house with his head. We cut out of the crowd, and a Canadian shouted:

"Hey Magnon, where d'ya meet all these brainy scientist types?"

"I seem to just kinda attract 'em." It was the most subtle thing I ever heard Cro say. The delivery, timing, intonation--first class. He was gloating and humble and matter-of-fact all at once. He was red hot.